Chased by rhinos in Chitwan.

After the Himilayan trek Jeremy and I decided to go and rest our blistered feet and take a chill out break in Nepals' national park " Chitwan". Our expectations of seeing much were not too high, as friends of ours had done jungle walks and had seen little more than a few monkeys. Little did we know what was going to happen over the next few days.

We were pleased to meet our jungle guide " Makuut" a chilled out little Nepalese man with a permanent rolly cigarette hanging out of his mouth. On our first jungle trek, whilst wading through the tall jungle grasses I curiously asked Makuut why he was carrying a wooden walking stick as he appeared to be perfectly agile... and he replied " To protect you from the wildlife Mam. " Jovially and rather patronisingly I asked him "why that might be nescessary?" and he proceeded to say " Yesterday a village lady was eaten by one of the tigers Mam".

My heart started to thump and soon it dawned on me that he was not joking. I asked him "What we should do if we might encounter something dangerous in the jungle?" His reply went something like this.. " Oh no problem Mam... if you see a rhinocerous you must run in zig zags like this" he proceeded to demonstrate a funny kind of zigzag dance. "If it continues to chase you, you must them take off all your clothes...and then it will sniff them and get distracted Mam". and he ended his shpeal with a reassuring " And don't worry Mam, if you see a Tiger... just climb a tree." As I scanned the surrounding area, to my horror I noted that all trees were without branches for at least twenty feet high. " I protect you madam" he said with a soggy rolly hanging out of his mouth " I have this weapon" and he waved around the ridiculous walking stick.

As it happened, our walk was nothing to tell a spectacular story. We simply had a serious study of rhinocerous poo - which incidently, when smoked, can seriously cure a bad cough.... and a lecture on the sexual prowess of randy rhinos. This has resulted in their horns getting poached by Chinese men in the hope that their supposed 'aphrodisiac powers' might help them overcome any impotence problems. mmmnnnn.. According to Makuuut, who with a little chuckle told us..that these randy rhinos could sometimes be involed in intercourse for up to an almighty 3 hours!!
We finished our walk feeling more educated and with Makuut pointing out a few Tiger scratches on a tree nearby- aparently they like to mark their territory. Big Wow.
I went home feeling somewhat relieved and kind of ridiculous at the fact that I had even contemplated climbing a tree. silly me.

The following evening Jeremy and I decided to sleep up in the tower in the jungle for a bit of Tiger spotting action. We had been bickering all day over the fact that Jeremy wanted to buy a goat and tie it up at the bottom of the tower. He hoped that he would get lucky and maybe a Tiger would sniff it out and he would get to watch a real kill. BOYS?? What is with their whole killing power thing..?? I guess it goes back to that hunter gatherer cave man ancestor from the past. I was furious at the fact that I was losing this battle because Makuut also seemed to think it was a great idea. " So cool" he said.

After blatently refusing to go and stamping my feet. I won the battle of the bloody goat and we sped off without a goat...into the jungle on mopeds with fried chicken and chips and a few beers instead. I was squidged onto a moped with a man infront and Jeremy behind. Suddenley to my horror...I saw Makuut and his little legs flinging themselves upside down off the moped. He too...was squidged between numerous other people on the moped. With him went numerous beers and ice blocks tumbling down to the ground. What was happening? Why did Makuut look terrified and why was he suddenley running around in zig-zags?? and what on earth was he screaming? Like you see in the movies...everything went in slow motion and completely silent. As my hearing came back to me I realised he was shouting " Run... Run.. rhinocerous- quick- go!!!- they are chasing us!!" It was a scene from Jurassic Park... it really was. To my absolute horror I looked ahead and there she was, an enormous mother rhino and a baby running straight towards us. This prehistoric dinousaur looking creature had her ears firmly forward...which I had learnt from an earlier lecture of Makuuts that the rhino was angry and going to attack. I also recalled Makuut telling us that they could run up to 40 km per hour.

I looked at Jeremy...who for some strange reason was laughing...and screamed my head off to the high heavens.
We ran and ran and ran and ran...all the time with visions in my head of my gravestone embarressingly saying " Our beloved Caroline sadly was killed by a rhinocerous" and after a while and completely out of breath Makuut said " ok..ok...ok Mam- we are ok now - we are out of her terrotory." "No we are not ok- I am going home." I demanded, but somehow unbeknown to me I was persuaded to go back into that almighty jungle and before I knew it I was standing at the top of the look out tower shaking from head to toe.

All night I sat terrified...going over and over in my head what had actually happened and as Jeremy and his new buddies tucked into Nepalese whisky and fried chicken he became more preoccupied with the thought of maybe...just maybe seeing a Tiger.

As it got dark... I started to get over the horrors of the day and instead I began to deliberate going for a snooze. Suddenley ..again to my horror I heard Jeremy say " I am sure that is tiger...look how the eyes reflect the light like that." and after confirmation from an extremely excited Makuut saying " You very lucky sir...you and your wife bring good luck.. no tourist ever get to see this much..." Good luck. My arse.. I thought to myself and peered over into the luminated spot where Jeremy was shining the torch. There in that gloomy jungle night were two very distinctive Tiger eyes staring straight at us.

" Makuut- can the Tiger get up hear?" I asked looking at the rather precariously built spiral staircase. " No..No mam...dont worry..you fine..they can only jump twenty feet." It was enough. I had had enough. " Mam - you fine I will protect you."he said again waving his stick.
What a joke?
As it happened we both survived. The night was terrifying and at times embaressing as I refused to go down the stairs to the toilet where the Tiger sat. Instead I had to resort to peeing in an empty bottle right infront of Jeremy. This was not a time to have dignity...this was a life death situation. I refused to even leave the room- much to Jeremy's amazement and possible amusement.
Thankfully, the morning came... and we were still alive. Amazing as it was...now looking back...I have to say it was possibly the most terrifying night of my life.