10 day meditation at Kopan monastery

After Chitwan Jeremy and I decided it was time to cleanse ourselves and indulge in abit of culture and so we signed up for a ten day meditation course at Kopan monastery. On our arrival we were told from the abbot that to stay at the monastery we must adhere to the monasteries rules.

These were: 1) no killing 2) no stealing 3)no lying 4)no sexual misconduct and certainly 5)no intoxicants. We were then taken (in silence) to our seperate bedrooms were we were to remain in silence.
Rock on the sexy honeymoon!!

The entire experience was interesting beyond belief.

Each morning at 5am we would wake up to the sound of bells ringing and a conch. Every day I would leave my room completly forgetting that I was supposed to be silent and saying "goodmorning" to the first person I came into contact with. I quickly became very unpopular. Infact I was avoided. There definitely was a sense of (dont be friends with her if you want to take this seriously) going on. Even Jeremy sometimes refused to have eye contact with me. So Norman no friends here simply went on her way trying to suss out all this Buddhism stuff.

Honestly - although there is a lot of concepts that I agree with in Buddhism - I do think people can become quite deluded.

We were told not to kill any mosquitos because they may have once in another life been our mother.

We were told that if we killed intentionally we would lower our chances of coming back as a human which is an extremely difficult task to achieve in this samasara cycle of neverending lives. I feel sorry for poor Jeremy, he is definitely not going to come back human- he kills millions of mosquitos- I wonder how he will return?

We were also told that it was kind to share out our tea with the ants and that at times we should drop a little on the table next to our cups so that they too could enjoy a drink..mmmnnnnn???

Now, if this wasn't enough, in one of our lectures we learnt of a highly respected monk who was so compassionate towards all sentient beings that he kept all fleas, lice and bugs that he found and made a home for them in one of his socks. At night time he would then give them a delicious meal and allow them to nibble on his feet. Party fun.

Each day got bizarrer and bizarrer...

One day we were led into a very sacred room to witness the remains of one of the very very holy monks. He had spent most of his life at the monastery and aparently did many prostrations to help cleanse his karma.

Now- in the monk world- it is common knowledge that if a monk is extra specially good and has, in his life time managed to cleanse himself of all his bad karma, then when he is cremated he leaves behind parts of his body. This is to demonstrate his release from samasara and his power to overcome death- obviously! So one day we went into the little room to witness the remains of this very special monk. Lama Yeshe was kind enough to leave behind a variety of goodies in his earn. We got to witness an eyeball, a piece of heart, a bit of a tongue and millions of pearl like objects which are still to this day multiplying. FREAKY STUFF.

According to Tibetan buddhism - we are all wasting our lives. They can't understand why we would bother going to the beach? eating barbeques? chocolate? going on holiday? or even getting married? Surely one would be much better off meditating all day and thinking compassionate thoughts. We should all do something more useful with our lives like 1000 prostrations a day. I mean -come on guys... get with the programme!

I have been deliberating doing a 4 month retreat at the monastery in July. At this retreat one aims to fill at least 100,000 bowls full of water. Supposedly this technique works wonders for cleansing lots of bad karma. I'm really tempted, but no- me thinks I might go to India instead. After all I am sure it will take lifetimes of prostrations to cleanse myself of all my bad karma- but hey - I've always quite liked the prospect of being a bird.

Instead I think I am going to seek out the Dali Lama in India - I have heard rumours that he is going to be giving lessons on Buddhism in Dharamasala. I am much more in agreement with his attitude towards life which seems to be live life, love, laugh and dont take things too seriously. Oh I love his chuckle!

I dont mean to belittle Kopan. It was after all a great experience and it is an incredibly beautiful place. I just dont think their approach was entirely for me- I am terrible at those long silences and god knows how many ants I've stood on when I havn't been wearing my glasses!!!

Holy Sadhus

This was a moment when I really started to miss my dredlocks. The sadhus are great- if possibly a little lazy- aparently they have not moved from this spot for twenty years. Each day they worship Lord Vishnu and sit on the steps watching the dead bodies get cremated. What a life- rather them than me. I do like the way the Hindus seem a lot more comfortable with death than us in the west though. I think it is much more healthy to witness a body disintegrate than to bang it up in a box and stick it in the ground. Hindus openly grieve with the women wailing for hours as the body burns... I have heard that in some cases the richer Hindus even hire 'wailing actresses to clearly convey their grief- bizarre

'Watching the crocodiles from our balcony

I loved this balcony- it was so chilled. We would spend hours sitting here slurping on rum and cokes and watching the crocodiles lurk in the muddy river. God bless those little children that splash around totally oblivious.

The raged rhino

This is a rhino just like the one that chased us. It's ears are firmly forward ready to attack.

The Cave Man Monk

This magical creature has lived in a cave with his blind wife for over 30 years. Unfortunbately I didn't get to meet him, but Jeremy did, and stopped for tea and a philosophical chat on one his rambles up the mountain. Aparently he meditates all day every day... and so, in the hope of gaining some serious wisdom, Jeremy asked him "What was the meaning of life?" and he simply relpied " to think nice thoughts" and "to be kind to animals" what a shweeeeetie pie..

Chased by rhinos in Chitwan.

After the Himilayan trek Jeremy and I decided to go and rest our blistered feet and take a chill out break in Nepals' national park " Chitwan". Our expectations of seeing much were not too high, as friends of ours had done jungle walks and had seen little more than a few monkeys. Little did we know what was going to happen over the next few days.

We were pleased to meet our jungle guide " Makuut" a chilled out little Nepalese man with a permanent rolly cigarette hanging out of his mouth. On our first jungle trek, whilst wading through the tall jungle grasses I curiously asked Makuut why he was carrying a wooden walking stick as he appeared to be perfectly agile... and he replied " To protect you from the wildlife Mam. " Jovially and rather patronisingly I asked him "why that might be nescessary?" and he proceeded to say " Yesterday a village lady was eaten by one of the tigers Mam".

My heart started to thump and soon it dawned on me that he was not joking. I asked him "What we should do if we might encounter something dangerous in the jungle?" His reply went something like this.. " Oh no problem Mam... if you see a rhinocerous you must run in zig zags like this" he proceeded to demonstrate a funny kind of zigzag dance. "If it continues to chase you, you must them take off all your clothes...and then it will sniff them and get distracted Mam". and he ended his shpeal with a reassuring " And don't worry Mam, if you see a Tiger... just climb a tree." As I scanned the surrounding area, to my horror I noted that all trees were without branches for at least twenty feet high. " I protect you madam" he said with a soggy rolly hanging out of his mouth " I have this weapon" and he waved around the ridiculous walking stick.

As it happened, our walk was nothing to tell a spectacular story. We simply had a serious study of rhinocerous poo - which incidently, when smoked, can seriously cure a bad cough.... and a lecture on the sexual prowess of randy rhinos. This has resulted in their horns getting poached by Chinese men in the hope that their supposed 'aphrodisiac powers' might help them overcome any impotence problems. mmmnnnn.. According to Makuuut, who with a little chuckle told us..that these randy rhinos could sometimes be involed in intercourse for up to an almighty 3 hours!!
We finished our walk feeling more educated and with Makuut pointing out a few Tiger scratches on a tree nearby- aparently they like to mark their territory. Big Wow.
I went home feeling somewhat relieved and kind of ridiculous at the fact that I had even contemplated climbing a tree. silly me.

The following evening Jeremy and I decided to sleep up in the tower in the jungle for a bit of Tiger spotting action. We had been bickering all day over the fact that Jeremy wanted to buy a goat and tie it up at the bottom of the tower. He hoped that he would get lucky and maybe a Tiger would sniff it out and he would get to watch a real kill. BOYS?? What is with their whole killing power thing..?? I guess it goes back to that hunter gatherer cave man ancestor from the past. I was furious at the fact that I was losing this battle because Makuut also seemed to think it was a great idea. " So cool" he said.

After blatently refusing to go and stamping my feet. I won the battle of the bloody goat and we sped off without a goat...into the jungle on mopeds with fried chicken and chips and a few beers instead. I was squidged onto a moped with a man infront and Jeremy behind. Suddenley to my horror...I saw Makuut and his little legs flinging themselves upside down off the moped. He too...was squidged between numerous other people on the moped. With him went numerous beers and ice blocks tumbling down to the ground. What was happening? Why did Makuut look terrified and why was he suddenley running around in zig-zags?? and what on earth was he screaming? Like you see in the movies...everything went in slow motion and completely silent. As my hearing came back to me I realised he was shouting " Run... Run.. rhinocerous- quick- go!!!- they are chasing us!!" It was a scene from Jurassic Park... it really was. To my absolute horror I looked ahead and there she was, an enormous mother rhino and a baby running straight towards us. This prehistoric dinousaur looking creature had her ears firmly forward...which I had learnt from an earlier lecture of Makuuts that the rhino was angry and going to attack. I also recalled Makuut telling us that they could run up to 40 km per hour.

I looked at Jeremy...who for some strange reason was laughing...and screamed my head off to the high heavens.
We ran and ran and ran and ran...all the time with visions in my head of my gravestone embarressingly saying " Our beloved Caroline sadly was killed by a rhinocerous" and after a while and completely out of breath Makuut said " ok..ok...ok Mam- we are ok now - we are out of her terrotory." "No we are not ok- I am going home." I demanded, but somehow unbeknown to me I was persuaded to go back into that almighty jungle and before I knew it I was standing at the top of the look out tower shaking from head to toe.

All night I sat terrified...going over and over in my head what had actually happened and as Jeremy and his new buddies tucked into Nepalese whisky and fried chicken he became more preoccupied with the thought of maybe...just maybe seeing a Tiger.

As it got dark... I started to get over the horrors of the day and instead I began to deliberate going for a snooze. Suddenley ..again to my horror I heard Jeremy say " I am sure that is tiger...look how the eyes reflect the light like that." and after confirmation from an extremely excited Makuut saying " You very lucky sir...you and your wife bring good luck.. no tourist ever get to see this much..." Good luck. My arse.. I thought to myself and peered over into the luminated spot where Jeremy was shining the torch. There in that gloomy jungle night were two very distinctive Tiger eyes staring straight at us.

" Makuut- can the Tiger get up hear?" I asked looking at the rather precariously built spiral staircase. " No..No mam...dont worry..you fine..they can only jump twenty feet." It was enough. I had had enough. " Mam - you fine I will protect you."he said again waving his stick.
What a joke?
As it happened we both survived. The night was terrifying and at times embaressing as I refused to go down the stairs to the toilet where the Tiger sat. Instead I had to resort to peeing in an empty bottle right infront of Jeremy. This was not a time to have dignity...this was a life death situation. I refused to even leave the room- much to Jeremy's amazement and possible amusement.
Thankfully, the morning came... and we were still alive. Amazing as it was...now looking back...I have to say it was possibly the most terrifying night of my life.